Sunday, 28 March 2010

CPS side with dangerous thugs?

`I feel sure many of you reading this will recall that, in June 2009, 2 BNP M.E.P.s were elected to the European Parliament. Both were elected to represent constituencies in the North of England. A week or so later both were attacked by thugs,louts, call-`em-what-you-will, outside the House of Commons. During this attack, which the local London police did nothing to prevent, someone (one of the louts) threw a DART at the M.E.P.s. The dart struck a security man on the chest. 9 months on, the CPS has decided there`s no case to answer and `will not prosecute`. So it appears it`s now acceptable - for some anyway - to throw darts at people whose views you disagree with. One might ask if these obviously highly dangerous missiles `count` as `offensive weapons`, along with guns, knives and razors, etc. Perhaps not, but the public need to know and to be reassured, I feel. Or is it just another case of the louts of the `Loony Left` once more getting away with it?
-- Mike Robinson

Monday, 22 March 2010

2 more BNP PPCs are announced

Leicestershire will be fielding a full slate of BNP candidates in the forthcoming General Election with the latest announcement of:

Adrian Waudby for Leicester South.
Colin Gilmore for Leicester East.

Their Bios will follow.

Already announced are:
Cllr. John Ryde for Bosworth.
Cllr. Paul Preston for South Leicestershire.
Gary Reynolds for Leicester West.
Geoff Dickens for Harborough.
Cllr. Ian Mellor for North West Leicestershire.
Keith Addison for Rutland and Melton.
Cathy Duffy for Charnwood.
Kevan Stafford for Loughborough.

Sunday, 21 March 2010

Results From Bolton: UAF Thugs 55 EDL 9

At an anti-muslim extremist demonstration in Bolton yesterday, 55 violent, Marxist UAF thugs were arrested, with 9 from the EDL.

Riot police moved in swiftly as the violence from UAF protesters escalated out of control. An extract from the statement by GMP Assistant Chief Constable Garry Shewan reads:
"We, the council and the communities of Bolton have worked hard over recent weeks in order to facilitate these protests in a safe and responsible manner.

"Today in Bolton we have seen some small evidence of this protest in the form of flag waving and vitriolic name calling - but we have also seen groups of people, predominantly associated with the UAF, engaging in violent confrontation.

"It is clear to me that a large number have attended today with the sole intention of committing disorder and their actions have been wholly unacceptable. Turning their anger onto police officers they acted with, at times, extreme violence and their actions led to injuries to police officers, protestors and members of the public.

"The police are not and should not be the target of such violence and anger and this protest and the actions of some of the protestors is roundly condemned by GMP and by Bolton Council. Were it not for the professionalism and bravery of police officers many others would have been seriously injured. I would also like to praise the efforts of the EDL stewards who worked with us in the face of some very ugly confrontations."

Among those arrested were WEYMAN BENNETT, UAF joint secretary, who was later charged with conspiracy to organise violent disorder, and UAF's MARTIN SMITH, who runs the 'Love Music Hate Racism' campaign, who been arrested for conspiracy to commit violence.

We have warned before about the odious UAF mob, who not only appear to support the terrorists in our midst and are incredibly quiet when atrocities are committed on our people, but also are blatant in their violent leanings. Their backers though seem still to be blissfully unaware of the scum that they support. Or are they? Their names include Keith Vaz MP, Peter Hain MP, Ken Livingstone, Union and NUJ secretaries among the list, which is no surprise, but you would think that, by now, Conservative Leader David Cameron would be appalled to find himself supporting the odious UAF crew if he wanted to be considered as Britain's next Prime Minister. But of course, UAF backing comes from all colours of the LibLabCon party, none of them hold the moral high ground.

Here is the infamous list of UAF backers. Is your MP's name on it? Your Union's?
Do you want these types who commit or condone violence and intimidation acting for you?
Make your choice soon because time is running out.

How you can help:

Join the BNP

Get involved with the Leicestershire BNP Election Campaign. Details on right of page.

Friday, 19 March 2010

Oh no, it's Keith Vaz again!

Leicester East MP Keith Vaz, he of the silk-cushions-on-expenses and tarnished reputation, is never one to shirk a media opportunity. So, when the Leicester Mercury reported on the plight of 2 illegal immigrants residing on the pavements of Green Lane Road our Keith was there like a ferret down a rabbit-hole, to put everything right.

Read the story HERE

Apparently, these 2 illegal vagrants didn't think things through; they 'lost' their passports and documents, and as they are here illegally they cannot work nor return home. They have been here for 4 months, in full view of nearby residents and businesses, so it is a puzzle as to why nothing has been done up to now to get them deported back to India (one has expressed his wish for that to happen, but neither are accepting help).

So Mr. Vaz, scenting a spot of pre-election publicity, rides to the rescue on the coat-tails of this story.
A problem is though, that it is not happening in his constituency, but in Peter Soulsby's. And, from the comments, one gathers that the people of Leicester are not impressed by his actions. His nickname in Leicester is 'Bandwagon' Vaz.

But if Mr. Vaz is truly concerned for homeless people, there is a solution until the situation is resolved: he has the room to put them up himself, having 2 homes and an office in Leicester. And what a pity he didn't think of this during the recent bitter winter.
Still, after he has acquired documents for them (we've heard he's pretty good at that) to go back to India, perhaps he will apply himself to addressing the plight of genuine homeless people on our streets. Quietly, and without climbing on the electioneering bandwagon.

Thursday, 18 March 2010

BNP Vicar Comes Under Media Scrutiny

Revd RMB West is the BNP prospective parliamentary candidate for Lincoln Town in the forthcoming general election of 2010.
The following is a summary of those interviews.

1. Please tell us a bit about yourself.
I am a minister of the gospel and involved in politics due to the dire state of the country. I was a Conservative District Councillor on South Holland Council from 2003 and had also stood for them in 1999. I was voted as the Council’s representative on the Lincolnshire “Racial Equality” Council with broad cross-party support from both Conservatives and Independents. On 14th May 2006 I transferred to the British National Party due to Labour’s loss of control of immigration and the Cameron Conservatives seeming endorsement of it.

2. But were you not sacked from the Racial Equality Council as your views are incompatible with it?
Not at all. We believe in equality of treatment - the difference is that we practice it in an appropriate way by supporting national frontiers and border-controls, so that each nation can enjoy its own country in peace and tranquillity. The self-styled Race Equality Council seems to have an agenda of favouring ethnic minorities (and certain other “communities”) and not giving the rest of us our due. This is most certainly not equality. Moreover, I was elected to represent South Holland on the “Equality” Council and they were happy for such representation to continue.

3. You are a priest are you not?
I am an ordained elder or preaching presbyter but I tend not to use the word “priest,” though some Anglicans announce me as such when I am invited to take their services of Morning and Evening Prayer or Holy Communion.

4. Why do you not have a proper church?
The church is the people and not the building. In the New Testament, churches tended to meet in private houses. But I do run a prayer and theological fellowship and I am the moderator to the Christian Council of Britain. I have recently taken both Anglican and Presbyterian services together with wedding blessings and baptisms and I find that my services are quite acceptable.

5. Many Christians would find the views of the BNP unChristian and unacceptable, even racist. How do you square being a vicar with being a member of the British National Party?
Quite simply racism is not what we have been told. Racism is where someone wants to take your country from you, not where you wish to keep your own country. The BNP is neither bombing Iraq not encouraging the colonisation of Britain. In both the Old and New Testament, it is very clearly laid down that we are to live in our nations and that each nation is to have its own homeland, or country.

6. But does not the New Testament say that we are all one in Christ Jesus? We are all one in Christ Jesus, certainly, as to the terms of our salvation and as to the offer made to us of salvation; but this does not mean that we cease to be male or female, high or low, or Jew and Gentile. Nations are still to exist by the will of God, as are class distinctions and the two sexes! But salvation is open equally to all and upon the same terms. The Bible certainly does not favour a world without borders; and part of the problem of modern Britain, and the explanation for a “Broken Britain,” is that there are not enough boundaries being set and upheld. This is particularly true in many modern classrooms. There is a connection between disorder in the classroom and knife-crime on the streets!

7. The BNP does not stand a hope of getting anywhere in Lincolnshire because the shire is so “diverse”: you got the lowest votes of any party in the whole of the shire in 2009.
I got over 20% of the vote in my local ward and that was whilst we were concentrating on the EU elections! People are worried that our national identity is being washed-out by excessive levels of Labour migrants. British people are losing their jobs, overtime, and working conditions. Excessive migration is also a threat to everyone’s national identity, job security, housing, quality-of-life and working conditions; as well as a danger to the cohesion of all societies - not just our own. For these reasons we may get some of our East European friends voting for us. They would not like to see the loss of their own countries. Knowing many of them I know how very proud they are of their own countries.

8. But Britain is their country, now that they have come here!
A few moments ago you were saying how “diverse” things were in Lincolnshire. Now you are saying that we are all the same - British! Moving to Britain will not make anyone British. If that were the case we need not have fought the Battle of Britain: Hitler’s armies would have become “ours” as soon as they had landed! The absurdity and contradictory nature of your reasoning is patent to most people. Identity is generally considered to come from descent: who you are from, not where you happen to be. This was well illustrated in the series done some time ago - “Roots” - about Black African slaves in America. This is also borne out by the ethnicity monitoring forms. “Ethnic” is the Greek word for “nation.” You cannot have it both ways: insisting, when it suits you, that “we are all the same” and then, when it does not suit you, harassing us for our differences when you want to divide-and-rule ordinary people and impose more draconian laws upon them. A nation is a people grouped by common descent and each nation, including our own, needs its own land. We need a Balfour Declaration for the British People - a national home for them in their historic homeland. And the Bible, both Old and New Testaments, supports such nationalism. The Christian minister of the gospel is to disciple the nations, not to destroy them. Bishop of Lincoln and Archbishop of York please take note!

9. What other policies do you have? You are against Europe, aren’t you? Europe is a continent and a civilization of several thousand years. We are a part of European civilization and the European continent. We have fought for the freedom of European nations on many occasions. The European Union began in 1957. Obviously, it is very different to the continent and civilization of Europe. Trade with Europe and travel to and from Europe will be unaffected by our withdrawal from the monstrously bureaucratic, costly and incompetent European Union. We are better off out of the European Union, and the sooner the better. This will save an immense amount of money and red-tape. It will replace bureaucracy with democracy and restore government back to the people (not the unelected bureaucrats), where it belongs.

10. How do you think you will do in the forthcoming election: you will not do very well, will you? I am optimistic. We are building a ladder-to-power. The people of Britain cannot put up for ever with the atrocious mistreatment that they have endured over the last few decades: political correctness, the ending of free speech, the attacks on Christianity, accelerating increase in crime and taxes; the ruination of our local fauna and environment - the death of local communities, the closure of pubs and post offices; the creation of bogus qualifications and fake rights for everyone else, whilst our genuine rights are trampled upon and wantonly destroyed. People are becoming restive. They do not see an alternative in the Homo-Conservatives, mainly because the Conservatives - by experience - have become a blue edition of Red Labour. But I am not a prophet and I cannot say how much we are likely to get in this area, at this stage.

In a sense, however, we are “in power” already. We are dictating the agenda. Look at how the erroneously entitled “Equality and Human Rights” Commission have taken us to court in the run-up to an election to try to drain our funds. They have not done that to any other opposition party, have they? And why now, when they have had “their laws” in place over “our rights” for decades? That shows, in the eyes of many people - not just our friends - that we are the real opposition.

And the reason for that is that we are the real alternative!

Sunday, 14 March 2010

Minutes of joint Leicestershire BNP Meeting, March 2010

Cllr. Wayne McDermott, NWL Organiser and REO, opened and chaired the meeting.
82 people attended.
Cllr. James North, Melton & Rutland Organiser, read the minutes of the last meeting which were agreed.


Geoff Dickens, East Midlands Regional Organiser, reported on the varying amounts of leafleting being done in the County; 40,000 had been delivered up to the end of January.
Geoff announced that, at the GE, he will be standing as PPC for Harborough, while Keith Addison will be standing in Melton. He reported on our progress, and the thousands of pounds being raised throughout the EM Region by the different Branches.
The court case was intended to bankrupt us and the costs are high; Geoff encouraged us all to support Fundraising events, including the Cromwell Club, which has an event this month.
He praised Mike Kelly’s presentation on muslim extremism and said that this should be compulsory for the Bishops to attend.

Cllr. Wayne McDermott reported on elections. He said that Sherwood wanted a candidate, the money was there to pay for one. He told us that Graham Partner was enjoying being a County Councillor , and that we would have got 5 councillors under the d'Hondt system. In NWL, our percentage will make the difference as to who holds the seat, and the District now has more councillors than Labour. Wayne commented on the Lib Dem situation in NWL, where the local branch has been suspended.

Rachel the Secretary for Melton & Rutland, gave a talk on the ludicrous political correctness suffered by our classic childrens’ literature, citing instances like Tintin, which has been accused of ‘racism’, ‘colonialism’ and ‘xenophobia’, and has been removed from a library following a complaint. Enid Blyton was now ‘nasty, sexist and xenophobic’, while many young characters had been made gender-neutral. Leading on from this, Rachel cited Nick Clegg as saying that “ faith schools should teach that homosexuality is normal and harmless”; she gave the BNP’s view on this, that what people do in private is their own business, but homosexuality should not be avidly promoted.



Jonathan Bowden was the Guest Speaker. He touched briefly on the court case, telling us that the problem has been resolved and that, in the few hours following the judgement, £15,000 in new membership had been taken already. He said that Labour has added so many laws that everyone is now frightened of offending anybody – except the English, Trevor Philips was on the ropes to ‘do something’ in a vain attempt to split us up and disrupt us, but has not succeeded.
Jonathan told us that the main parties have 80% in common, while we disagree with 80% of what they say. We are a threat and a danger to the liberal elite. Labour were not an antidote to the Major years, but promised white-heat technology; now we are in debt with mad spending. Brown got out of No. 11 and into No. 10 just in time!
Jonathan painted an horrific picture of how we have been brought low. Consumption without manufacture, great swathes of people leaving war zones, mass movement of peoples around the world., architectural destruction, organic destruction on many levels. He touched on Stafford hospital, where even the staff fear to be treated, and commented on our schools, where children are illiterate, know no history and are unemployable. On the Bulger/Venables case, he made the point that it has taken on an iconic status, as they stand in the public eye for the whole. Liberals have more sympathy with the perpetrators of violent crime than the victims, our leaders want to be seen as weak. But we should be strong, and Jonathan therefore urged us to support the BNP; leaflet, give money and vote for them.

Cllr. John Ryde conducted a ‘Dutch’ collection, after praising Jonathan Bowden’s impassioned and frightening speech. He said that we have a huge enemy to defeat and made a plea for money to help people stand as candidates, and pay for leaflets.
John explained that, at an earlier meeting, a pensioner had come up with £500, which example inspired those present to dig deep!

Dave Fairclough conducted an auction, for a dusky soft toy, and a special bottle of wine.

Cllr. McDermott let us know details about the forthcoming social, before inviting questions for the speaker from the floor.

The collection raised £929. 13, including 50 Euro cents, 1 Yuan, 1 Franc and 1 Czech Kronua
The auctions raised £31.00.
The raffle raised £103.00.

Mothering Sunday

Today is Mothering Sunday. It has been celebrated in this country since at least the 16th century on the fourth Sunday in Lent which is why the date changes each year.

Mothering Sunday was also known as 'Refreshment Sunday', Pudding Pie Sunday (in Surrey), or 'Mid-Lent Sunday'. It was a day in Lent when the fasting rules were relaxed, in honour of the 'Feeding of the Five Thousand', a story in the Christian Bible.

The more usual name was Mothering Sunday. No one is absolutely certain exactly how the name of Mothering Sunday began. However, one theory is that the celebration could have been adopted from a Roman spring festival celebrating Cybele, their Mother Goddess.

As Christianity spread, this date was adopted by Christians. The epistle in the Book of Common Prayer for this Sunday refers to the heavenly Jerusalem as "the Mother of all us all", and this may have prompted the customs we still see today. It is known on this date, about four hundred years ago, people made a point of visiting their nearest big church (the Mother Church). The church in which each person was baptised.

Cathedrals are the 'mother church' of all other churches in an area ('diocese'). Canterbury Cathedral is pictured below. People who visited their mother church would say they had gone "a mothering."

Young British girls and boys 'in service' (maids and servants) were only allowed one day to visit their family each year. This was usually on Mothering Sunday. Often the housekeeper or cook would allow the maids to bake a cake to take home for their mother. Sometimes a gift of eggs; or flowers from the garden (or hothouse) was allowed. Sons and daughters often walked miles on their way home and picked posies of wildflowers on the way to give to their mothers.

Mothering Sunday is also sometimes know as Simnel Sunday because of the tradition of baking Simnel cakes. They were rich fruit cakes topped with marzipan shaped into 11 balls (to represent the 11 faithful apostles), though they can be interpreted as eggs.

" I’ll to thee a Simnell bring
‘Gainst thou go’st a mothering,
So that, when she blesseth thee,
Half that blessing thou’lt give to me.’
Robert Herrick, 1648

We send our best wishes to all our mothers on Mothering Sunday today. Thank you for your care of us, your children, and hope that we can do our very best to make you proud and be worthy of your love. This way we show our love for you.

We remember with loving thoughts our mothers no longer with us; and ask also that each of us shall spare a special thought for those mothers who are grieving for a child whose life has been cut cruelly short by war or from crime, for these mothers will never receive a gift from that child again.

Saturday, 13 March 2010

Press Statement from BNP Chairman, Nick Griffin

BNP Membership Reopens despite Race Gestapo’s Attempt to Subvert Democracy

Membership applications to join the British National Party are now again open despite the state’s best efforts to subvert the party and democracy, Nick Griffin MEP has announced.

Speaking after the conclusion of the Equalities and Human Rights Commission (EHRC) court case today, Mr Griffin said the court had in effect ruled that political parties could not ask its members to endorse policies which oppose mass immigration. “The court ruled that sections 3.2.1 and 3.2.3 of the BNP’s new constitution could not be set as conditions for membership of the party as they would discriminate against ethnics,” Mr Griffin said.

“The court has ruled that these clauses, which are part of the membership conditions as stated in section 4 of the constitution, makes it impossible for ethnics to join the BNP,” Mr Griffin said. “We, of course, disagree with the court’s opinion.

“There is no correlation between being opposed to mass immigration and the opening of membership of the party,” Mr Griffin said, adding that he knew members of ethnic minorities who were just as opposed to mass immigration as any indigenous British member of the party.

“Section 3 of the BNP constitution is protected and cannot be changed except by an extraordinary general meeting (EGM) of the party,” Mr Griffin went on. “The new constitution grants the party’s leader the power to change all non-protected parts of that document to comply with the law, without the need for EGMs. “Section 4, which deals with the requirements for membership and includes the demand that members support all the principles of the party, is not protected. “I have, therefore, with immediate effect changed the section 4 requirements, as I am entitled to do, to comply with the court order,” Mr Griffin continued.

“I have, therefore, with immediate effect changed the section 4 requirements, as I am entitled to do, to comply with the court order,” Mr Griffin continued. “What this means is that people can apply to join the BNP without having to endorse and support the principles of the party. “Everyone knows this is a mad situation, and it has set an astonishing and extremely dangerous precedent for all parties. “It is a complete subversion of democracy and is in reality an attempt by the state to order the citizenry what policies they can or cannot believe in. “The bottom line is that the BNP’s policies remain exactly as they were, particularly the demand for an end to mass immigration.

“I have changed the non-write protected constitution to comply with the court order and the amended version will be published online well within the 30 days set our constitution. “Membership applications are therefore are now open and the 7000-strong backlog will be processed in the order in which they applied,” Mr Griffin said, adding that any ethnic who had applied to join the party would wait in turn like anyone else to have their applications processed.

Thursday, 11 March 2010

Churches' "Question Time", Sunday 14th March

Faith leaders in Leicestershire have organised a 'Question Time' style forum to be held this Sunday, 14th March at Leicester Cathedral (St. Martins). The panel will consist of "candidates standing at the General Election in city and county".
Zuffar Haq, Liberal Democrat, standing in Harborough, is the lone voice for the County.

Peter Soulsby, Labour, is standing in Leicester South.
Jane Hunt, Conservative, is standing in Leicester East.
Geoff Forse, Greens, is standing in Leicester West.

Hang on, Greens?
How many Green councillors are there in Leicestershire? Only one, Phil Gordon. How many Green PPCs are standing in Leicestershire? Only 3, and they are all in the city.

So it is strange that the British National Party have not been invited to take part in this forum on Sunday as the BNP were confirmed as the 4th biggest party in the County polling over 12% across the whole of Leicestershire in June 2009.

If they wish to get involved in politics the Church should treat all Parties equally, as any good Christian would, and not persecute some whilst promoting others.
BNP members continue to be persecuted by the Church of England and we suspect that you will be reading more about the CoE's un-Christian behaviour in the near future.

But let us show forgiveness and tolerance to the Leicester Churches for this omission, obviously an oversight by them; there is still time for them to invite a member of the BNP (Leicestershire's 4th. largest Party) to join the panel on Sunday. All they have to do is contact us and we'll be happy to send a representative to join the panel.

Wednesday, 3 March 2010

Petition to ban Sharia in UK

A petition asking the Prime Minister to ban Sharia law from being part of our UK legal system has been created. The deadline to sign by is 27th. April, 2010. Please add your signature

Go to the petition

Monday, 1 March 2010

Blimey! Jeremy Clarkson lets rip!

The following article by Jeremy Clarkson has been extracted from the Sunday Times. It has now been pulled, so we can't give you a link, sorry. We wish to point out that this is entirely the work of Mr. Clarkson.

"I’ve given the matter a great deal of thought all week, and I’m afraid I’ve decided that it’s no good putting Peter Mandelson in a prison. I’m afraid he will have to be tied to the front of a van and driven round the country until ***. (Can't publish that bit - use your imagination. Ed.) He announced last week that middle-class children will simply not be allowed into the country’s top universities even if they have 4,000 A-levels, because all the places will be taken by Albanians and guillemots and whatever other stupid bandwagon the conniving idiot has leap.

"I hate Peter Mandelson. I hate his fondness for extremely pale blue jeans and I hate that preposterous moustache he used to sport in the days when he didn’t bother trying to cover up his left-wing fanaticism. I hate the way he quite literally lords it over us even though he’s resigned in disgrace twice, and now holds an important decision-making job for which he was not elected. Mostly, though, I hate him because his one-man war on the bright and the witty and the successful means that half my friends now seem to be taking leave of their senses.

"There’s talk of emigration in the air. It’s everywhere I go. Parties. Work. In the supermarket. My daughter is working herself half to death to get good grades at GSCE and can’t see the point because she won’t be going to university, because she doesn’t have a beak or flippers or a qualification in washing windscreens at the lights. She wonders, often, why we don’t live in America.

"Then you have the chaps and chapesses who can’t stand the constant raids on their wallets and their privacy. They can’t understand why they are taxed at 50% on their income and then taxed again for driving into the nation’s capital. They can’t understand what happened to the hunt for the weapons of mass destruction. They can’t understand anything. They see the Highway Wombles in those brand new 4x4s that they paid for, and they see the M4 bus lane and they see the speed cameras and the community support officers and they see the Albanians stealing their wheelbarrows and nothing can be done because it’s racist.

"And they see Alistair Darling handing over another 30 Billion of their money to not sort out the banking crisis that he doesn’t understand because he’s a small-town solicitor, and they see the stupid war on drugs and the war on drink and the war on smoking and the war on hunting and the war on fun and the war on scientists and the obsession with the climate and the price of train fares soaring past £1,000 and the Guardian power-brokers getting uppity about one shot baboon and not uppity at all about all the dead soldiers in Afghanistan, and how they got rid of Blair only to find the lying twerp is now going to come back even more powerful than ever, and they think, “I’ve had enough of this. I’m off.”

"It’s a lovely idea, to get out of this stupid, Fair-trade, Brown-stained, Mandelson-skewed, equal-opportunities, multicultural, carbon-neutral, trendily left, regionally assembled, big-government, trilingual, mosque-drenched, all-the-pigs-are-equal, property-is-theft hellhole and set up shop somewhere else, but where?

"You can’t go to France because you need to complete 17 forms in triplicate every time you want to build a greenhouse, and you can’t go to Switzerland because you will be reported to your neighbours by the police and subsequently shot in the head if you don’t sweep your lawn properly, and you can’t go to Italy because you’ll soon tire of waking up in the morning to find a horse’s head in your bed because you forgot to give a man called Don a bundle of used notes for “organising” a plumber.

"You can’t go to Australia because it’s full of things that will eat you, you can’t go to New Zealand because they don’t accept anyone who is more than 40 and you can’t go to Monte Carlo because they don’t accept anyone who has less than 40 million. And you can’t go to Spain because you’re not called Del and you weren’t involved in the Walthamstow blag. And you can’t go to Germany ... because you just can’t.

"The Caribbean sounds tempting, but there is no work, which means that one day, whether you like it or not, you’ll end up like all the other expats, with a nose like a burst beetroot, wondering if it’s okay to have a small sharpener at 10 in the morning. And, as I keep explaining to my daughter, we can’t go to America because if you catch a cold over there, the health system is designed in such a way that you end up without a house, or dead.

"Canada’s full of people pretending to be French, South Africa’s too risky, Russia’s worse and everywhere else is too full of snow, too full of flies or too full of people who want to cut your head off on the internet. So you can dream all you like about upping sticks and moving to a country that doesn’t help itself to half of everything you earn and then spend the money it gets on bus lanes and advertisements about the dangers of salt. But wherever you go you’ll wind up an alcoholic or dead or bored or in a cellar, in an orange jumpsuit, gently wetting yourself on the web. All of these things are worse than being persecuted for eating a sandwich at the wheel.

"I see no reason to be miserable. Yes, Britain now is worse than it’s been for decades, but the lunatics who’ve made it so ghastly are on their way out. Soon, they will be back in Hackney with their South African nuclear-free peace polenta. And instead the show will be run by a bloke whose dad has a wallpaper shop and possibly, terrifyingly, a weasel looking twerp in Belgium whose fruitless game of hunt-the-WMD has netted him £15m on the lecture circuit.

So actually I do see a reason to be miserable. Which is why I think it’s a good idea to tie Peter Mandelson to a van. Such an act would be cruel and barbaric and inhuman. But it would at least cheer everyone up a bit."